Before you can start LARP-ing with your new friends, you’re going to have to choose a class. Aside from the painfully cryptic titles of Fighter, Mage, Thief, and Jew to influence your decision, what does the future have in store for you after you have decided to commit to a class? It’s not like you can just switch back after the first day either. So, along with the bevy of abilities that you will learn (each class is different), there are six exclusive weapons for each class and cannot be acquired by another. If this sounds like something that could sway you to follow one path over another or you just want to see what the other kid got – read on!
Don’t Let It Go to Your Head
There are two ways to acquire one of these class-exclusive weapons. The first of which is to earn them by advancing in rank and title among your allies. There are three titles that you will attain during your adventure, each of them being earned after a specific Story Quest is completed (listed in order):
Call the Banners
Attain the title of “Sir”
Gain New Allies
Attain the title of “Commander”
Beat Up *****!
Attain the title of “King”
Yes… we censored the third quest title. No spoilers!
Here’s what each class will afford you as you come up in the world:
“Sir” – Complete “Call the Banners”
*All weapons Lvl 3
|Fighter||Halberd of the Warrior|
|Mage||Wand of Wizarding|
“Commander” – Complete “Gain New Allies”
*All weapons Lvl 7
|Fighter||Greatsword of the Warrior|
“King” – Complete Beat Up *****!
*All weapons Lvl 12
|Fighter||Greataxe of the Warrior|
|Thief||F***ing Ninja Stars|
|Jew||Morningstar of David|
Don’t Not Be A Looter
Now, any Class-exclusive Weapon that depends on you having a fancy new title will be yours automatically. The second batch, however, depends on you looting three specific chests while adventuring through the hostile wilderness that is South Park and surrounding territories. While you will have the opportunity to crack open each of these chests, one of them has to be looted when the chance presents itself, because there is no going back to it after the Story Quest you find it in is complete.
Here they are listed in the order you will encounter them:
Kyle’s House, inside of the purple tent.
School, inside of the Fourth Grade classroom.
Only available during the “Attack the School!” Story Quest
Kyle’s House, inside of the “King’s Forest”.
Gnome Dust is required to enter the “King’s Forest”
While I cannot stress enough to not forget the chest in the Fourth Grade classroom, the other two pieces of loot at Kyle’s House will always be there for the taking. So now that we’ve discussed where and when to find them, here are the harbingers of death that you can add to your class’ inventory.
Kyle’s House, inside of the purple tent
*All weapons Lvl 5
|Jew||Izmel of the Faithful|
School, inside of the Fourth Grade classroom
*All weapons Lvl 9
|Jew||Sica Dagger of the Faithful|
Kyle’s House, inside of the “King’s Forest”
*All weapons Lvl 10
|Jew||Holy Poker of the Faithful|
Is Knowing Really Half the Battle?
So that was a quick run through of what some people could consider make or break items when choosing what class they’ll run headlong into hell (or Canada) with. Each of these weapons vary in their strengths and are not without their weaknesses, so keep in mind that you may find yourself favoring a weapon that is not on this list, while playing a class that you necessarily don’t really care to be.